A History on Collars
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By Daddy Essex
It’s impossible to separate the use of Collars from their origin in the BDSM community.
As the big umbrella that encompasses all pet-play, and pup-play under it, we need to first understand the “why” of a collar and how it applies to a D/s relationship (Dominant/submissive).
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Having said that, let’s first see what the collar means in puppy-play. When it comes down to it, it’s as simple as something aesthetic that pups wear to complete their pupsona, a part of their gear, and one of the most recognizable parts of the “pup” archetype. Bio dogs wear collars, hence, pups like collars.
It may end up as easy as that for many pups who only wish to remain strays and enjoy partaking in more casual play, have no care for a Dominant or hold any deeper meaning around it. The collar itself is just one more tool to help the pups reach that headspace.
Many of these pups may choose to be trained and learn tricks, do some pup scenes with a Handler but not necessarily may want to enter into a deeper D/s relationship. This may apply to some packs as well, depending on their rules and protocol.
However, for some, they do look for that D/s interaction in play, scenes, further kink play (ropes, estim, impact play, etc), and even a more permanent bond.
From here on, any reference to ‘collared’ should be understood as having been given a collar and/or locked it.
It stands out that as pups, many choose to have their tags, others get theirs when collared, with the details of themselves and the owner as well.
When we go into the BDSM side of things, it’s worth learning a bit about protocol, linked to what is known as the “old guard”, which is a set of rules of behavior for Doms and subs. “New Guard” may not subscribe to all, but the collars themselves still are represented because of their very important meaning.
That said, there are three main types of collars, and some sub categories within them:
The Collar of Consideration
The Training Collar
The Formal Collar
Each one of them describes the stage of commitment in a D/s relationship.
The Collar of Consideration
The first collar offered is called the ‘Collar of Consideration’. This identification comes from the Old Guard Leather community, the same source of the Safe, Sane and Consensual code.
In the context of pup-play, where a collar may exist already, the collar would then be locked with a padlock of some kind. In this stage, both D & s may hold a copy of the key, as real life needs may require to get it on or off, or it may just be used during sessions or time together only. In this case, the D is in charge of putting it on and taking it off (unless other arrangements/agreements have been negotiated)
The Dominant by offering this collar to the submissive is expressing an interest in pursuing a potential furthering of a relationship with that submissive beyond the range of a casual acquaintance or even the relationship between a Top and bottom. This collar is offered seriously and with intent. The submissive in accepting this collar from the Dominant is equally serious in their understanding that their relationship has moved into a different stage. The existence of the Collar of Consideration indicates to other Dominants and submissives that the Dominant and submissive are forming a potentially serious relationship. Its existence acts to openly present to other Dominant’s that this submissive is ‘off-limits’ for the duration of the ‘consideration’ period and that honorable Dominant’s should not pursue this submissive in any manner.
It is understood that new relationships are fragile and vulnerable to both parties involved. Respect for new relationships is shown by adhering to the presence of collars and their underlying meanings. The ‘Collar of Consideration’ does not indicate a lifelong commitment between the Dominant and submissive but might be better considered to be similar to a pre-engagement ring.
Should either Dominant or submissive decide after a period that the relationship or connection is not to their desire then either may politely withdraw from the offer or the acceptance with “no-fault” to either side. If a submissive is uncollared, then it is considered important for that submissive to physically remove the collar and place it in the hands of the Dominant personally. If extensive attempts have been made to do so unsuccessfully then and only then should the submissive retain the collar. In other words, the collar is the property of the Dominant. It should be purchased, acquired or made by the Dominant, for the Dominant. Upon the severance of the relationship, it should be rightfully returned to its owner.
For any Dominant to ‘actively’ approach a collared submissive is considered an extreme breach of protocol and it should be noted that such action can have a serious negative impact on that Dominant’s real-life reputation. The traditions of our community should be given the same honor, dignity, and respect of any other.
An easy rule is to ask the sub/pup ‘who owns the key?’ and discuss with their Owner/Handler/Sir before further engaging the locked pup.
The Training Collar
The Training Collar represents the second collar exchanged between a Dominant and a submissive.
The 'Training' collar is offered by the Dominant after they have engaged in a period of time where they have held extensive conversations with the submissive and explored characteristics, traits, interests, desires and lifestyles to see if they consider themselves to be a good match in enough areas to move into a relationship of deeper commitment. They will generally have engaged in many of the vanilla aspects of the relationship as well as commenced with some light sceneing to explore the beginning limits that the submissive may possess.
The acceptance of this collar by the submissive indicates that the submissive agrees to pursue a much deeper relationship with the Dominant which will involve or may, serious feelings, emotions, commitments, and responsibilities. It can be equated fairly well to an engagement ring. When a relationship reaches the stage where a Training Collar is offered it tells other Dominants and submissives that the Dominant and submissive have grown much more serious and that they are actively bonding and attaching to each other with considerations of a potentially long-term full-time relationship. At this point, the actions of the submissive are reflected upon the Dominant and the submissive should become acutely aware that behaving in a manner becoming to the training of their Dominant is a reflection of their personal devotion and commitment to that Dominant.
When a Dominant reaches this stage with a submissive they will often move into areas of training and discipline which are much more severe and strict. The foundations of later interactions are often based on how well the Dominant and the submissive construct or shape their relationship at this stage. Both recognize that they are a reflection of each other or openly connected to each other and will actively work to make that representation solid and deep. Most Dominant's and submissives enter deeper emotional stages at this point and may begin to express true devotion, love, honor, and mutual respect. In many ways, this is where the relationship is truly tested physically, mentally and emotionally.
Each of the collars is generally presented during some type of formal ceremony. Often the 'Collar of Consideration' and the 'Training Collar' may be presented privately or during a small gathering of close friends. The actions of collaring are considered quite serious and most often great care is taken to make the moments memorable for both people.
When it comes to the training collar, it stays on and only the D holds the key.
The Formal Collar
The Formal Collar is offered by the Dominant with the intent to formalize the bond and attachment between themselves and their submissive. It is a recognition of commitment, deep emotional feelings, devotion, mutual respect, and consideration. It expresses a belief that the Dominant and submissive share similar ideals and a genuine and growing desire to share each other’s lives over perhaps the rest of their lives. With many couples, this collar is given in conjunction with a proposal of marriage. Its weight within the community is equivocal to the wedding ring. The acceptance of this collar by the submissive is an open, voluntary offering of their complete submission to the Dominant from that day forward.
At this stage in the collaring process often the Dominant and submissive feel the same deep love that any vanilla couple might feel coupled to the trust, respect, and commitment so crucial in the D/s lifestyle. To be invited to attend a D/s Formal Collaring is similar to being invited to a wedding.
Other Collars
Play Collar
Used during BDSM scenes or play sessions, it indicates the beginning of a scene and the shift into a submissive headspace. It should be placed on by the Dominant to help foster the subspace. This is only used during scenes and may be chosen for comfort or quite the opposite.
Protection Collar
In essence, it’s a lock collar that will include a tag with the pup’s name and the initials of the Protector on the back. It’s not so much a sign of ownership as a symbol of that pup being out of bounds for everyone for however long they feel that protection is needed (it may come as a result of a pup wanting to keep people away, which could be the consequence of a number of things: trauma, a breakup, etc, or just reassurance that someone is watching out for them).
The pup will wear that collar for however long they need it, or until they find a new Owner to take permanent ownership of them.
It’s worth mentioning that the Protector will have a say on who is suitable to take care of the sub as they keep their safety and wellbeing forefront.
Day Collar
This collar is called as such as it’s meant to be used in place of any of the others during the sub’s “dayjob”. This particular item doesn’t even need to be a collar, it can be anything that serves as a reminder of their true collar but that blends more easily in front of a general audience. Many pups now wear “persian” style collars because of this.
Posture Collar
Designed to restrict movement and maintain a specific posture, it enhances one's feeling of vulnerability and submission. It is meant for scenes, events and general play, not comfort.
A note on Infinity Collars
Though very clean looking and the choice of many as it may pass for a standard collar, this type is very not recommended for sceneing. The nature of it, as seen below, is that it locks almost invisibly and requires the Allen key to remove. However, any complications during a scene, like it getting tangled or stuck somewhere makes it VERY difficult to deal with (sometimes dangerous), which is why it’s preferred for show only and a play collar should be used instead during scenes.
Padlocks
As discussed before, a padlock is the symbol of an owned sub (or protected). Pup’s in general may use them too because whatever reason, but be aware most Doms will not approach you or may ask who owns the key instead of actually engaging.
On the other hand, ignoring the padlock may ‘upset’ the owner.
However, leaving the key on a padlock is a way to flag interest in having a Dom approach a submissive in order to discuss play, a scene, or something more long term.
Some pups may wear a leash, meaning they want walkies. Whichever the case, remember the GOLDEN RULE: ASK FIRST, ESTABLISH CONSENT before anything else.
For subs/pups who wear a padlock as a symbol of their relationship with their Dom, this is a symbol of pride and commitment for both. It holds special meaning and should be respected. Many pups have a hard time removing their collars when they have to, it’s a very personal object and they feel weird or “naked” without it.
As a final note: Pup-play is what you make it, and whatever helps you reach pupspace is the right way for you. Not everyone may want a D/s relationship, some may just want to do some scenes with a Handler, some may want to be a part of a pack or leather family (where there is a Dom on top of an Alpha, which by no means diminishes the role of the Alpha either). The more you learn, the more you know, the easier to find your place and what works for you. Have fun!
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